The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done

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As most of you know I have lost some weight in the last year. No I did not take a magic potion or pill. It was HARD work. It easily is the hardest and most trying thing I have ever done. I always had been heavier. I remember a teacher in elementary school calling me “big boned.” At the time I didn’t know that was a nice way of saying fat.  Though I was never the skinniest I never let my weight affect my confidence… until my weight reached over 200lbs.

 

I don’t know why, but in my mind I was still okay if I never went over 200lbs. In 2016 I passed that number. I had gained 25lbs in 3 short months. It was terrifying to me. Though, I was not ready to make changes about my weight. I went to the doctor trying to find a medical reason for the sudden weight gain. There was nothing wrong with me other than a poor diet and lack of exercise.

 

The moment it all changed for me…. One of my very best friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. We purchased our dresses a year in advance. I knew I had gained some weight so 6 weeks before the wedding I went to try on my bridesmaid’s dress and it would not zip. Actually it wasn’t even close to zipping. This moment was mortifying and eye opening for me. I was not going to buy a new dress, so I needed to lose the weight before the wedding.

 

I had a dear friend who was doing weight watchers, and she encouraged me to join. I took the leap and spent the $125 to join. Little did I know that would become one of the best decisions I have ever made. It was a struggle at first. I joined in September and the wedding was in November. Up until the wedding I did well and lost some weight, and the dress zipped. That was a relief, but after that I went back to the same old habits of not eating right.  I was not happy or confident, but I wasn’t following the weight watchers program like I should have been to see results.

 

As most of you know my grandpa had also passed away in August 2016, VERY unexpectedly. Eating healthy and exercising was a priority of his. I knew that he wanted it to be one of mine, but I was never ready. I had started and stopped a million time. Though I realized I could make this dream of his become my dream too. I easily could have gained another 25lbs after he died or I knew I could lose the 25lb I gained and maybe even more.

 

So in January 2017 I got serious. I took his dream for me, and made it my dream for me. My wonderful friend and I decided to kick weight watchers booty together! We followed the program extremely close and the pounds started coming off. Though, they did not fly off by any means. It has been a slow and steady race of a pound or two a week. We were each other’s rock and supported each other through the up and down’s of weight loss. I will forever be indebted to her.

 

In April, I started to see my weight loss slow a bit. This is when I decided to join the gym. I was terrified. I had joined the gym so many times and wasted so much money by not going. I wanted this time to be different. It was different, but only because I had the unwavering love and support of my aunt and cousin. They would text me almost daily asking me to join them. I could never repay them for the confidence they gave me. They believed in me at the gym, so I began to believe in myself.

 

The gym soon became a second home. A place where I was a regular, and had friends I looked forward to seeing. Also it was a place where I felt comfortable and confident. It also helped my anxiety tremendously. So with the addition of the gym and still following weight watchers I saw the pounds continue to shed.

 

I think a good diet and exercise is great. Those are part of weight loss, and keeping it off, but there is something even bigger. That is the mindset. My mindset has changed tremendously throughout this journey of mine. I came to realize I was an emotional eater. I would eat my feelings. Now I usually realize that I only want to eat because of an emotion. So instead of eating I usually try to do some form of exercise to deal with the emotion.  I try really hard to eat to fuel my body and not to feed my emotions. This will always be as struggle for me, but being aware and having that mindset helps!

 

Losing weight is not rocket science, but it is challenging. There are days I still mess up, and eat poorly. Those days will happen, but it is about having more good days than bad that counts.

After a year of this journey I have lost 50lbs. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. It is so much more than the gym and weight watchers. It is all the people that have supported and encouraged me. I do know though if I can do this, so can you!

 

 

 

 

 

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