Loving Someone with Depression

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Yes we have all said we are depressed before, but until you have seen someone and loved someone who struggles with depression day in and day out you may not really know what depression is. It is a mental and physical struggle for the person with depression, but also for all their loved ones. No one wants to see someone they love fighting a battle and not be able to help. As someone close to me struggling with depression once said “even a task as simple as feeding the dog seems hard.”

 

There are a few things I have learned while loving someone with depression…

 

  1. It’s a disease- I think this is probably the most overlooked thing by someone not suffering from depression or not knowing someone who does. Depression is a disease that the person has. It is just like cancer or diabetes. The person has no control over it. They are not weak. They cannot just suck it up. The person’s brain actually works differently than someone not suffering from depression. Just always be aware of this and don’t tell someone they just need to get over it. The person can’t help that they have depression.

 

  1. Don’t take it personal– This one may be the hardest for a loved one who has someone suffering with depression. You have to constantly remind yourself that their distance has nothing to do with you. They are fighting internal battle within themselves. It is easy for us as a loved one to think that we did something wrong, but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with what we did or said. It really is the mental disorder and their brain chemical imbalance. It has NOTHING to do with you.

 

  1. Tell them how much they mean to you- Not always but usually, someone struggling with depression is feeling hopeless and not good enough for anyone. You, as their loved one, know this is far from the truth, but they have blinders on and cannot see all the people that love them and find them amazing. Tell them that you love them and that you would be lost without them. Sometimes they may fight you and say no that is not true, but just stay firm on your love and admiration for them. They are so much more than their depression. At some point they will hear you.

 

  1. Tell them what you like about them- Sometimes it doesn’t have to be a deep conversation. They are already in their own heads with deep thoughts. So why not keep it light, but loving. Tell them all the small things you like about them. Tell them you love their smile. They look good! You like the shirt they are wearing. Just sometimes the small things are heard before the larger things. Be encouraging in the most authentic way. Just make sure to not overdo it. Whatever you do be genuine.

 

 

  1. Listen without interruption- Sometime as their loved one we think we know what’s best for them, but sometimes that is simply not true. At times it is best to just listen to them and do not speak. Do not give advice. Just be there for their rambles. Make sure they know you will not judge and you want to hear them. It does not have to be deep and about their depression. It can simply be about their lunch they had that day. It is important that they feel heard. You don’t need to bring it back to their depression all the time. Almost all their thoughts are consumed by the depression, so it’s nice when they can focus on something else. Though with that being said, if they do want to talk about it let them talk about it, and what is bothering them. Make sure you are listening to understand and to not just respond.

 

  1. Just be there in silence- There is also many times where every tasks are hard to the one struggling with depression. They do not have the energy for anything. At times they just need to be silent or to rest. As their loved one know that is ok. Just sit beside them while they sleep or watch a movie for the 5th  time. It is ok for there to be silence while you support them.

 

 

  1. Get them help- At times the depression can get so severe you need to help them seek outside resources. There can be opposition at first, but if it is that severe it is your job to make sure they get the care they need. This can be a counselor, medication, suicide prevention. Just be aware of the treatment options because that is the last thing on your loved one struggling with depressions mind.

 

 

  1. Suicide is not selfish- We have all heard suicide is selfish. It is taking the “easy way out.” Though in the eyes of the depressed, they think you would be better off without them. They think they are a burden, and our lives would be easier without them. You and I both know that is not the case. In actuality our lives would be so much harder without them. There would be a hole in our heart and our lives if they weren’t there. So if they speak of suicide do not tell them they are selfish, but tell them how much you need them in your life and how much better they make your life.

 

It the simplest of words, just love them. Make sure they don’t feel judgement, inadequate, or less of a person because they are depressed. They are still the same person you love, they are just struggling a bit right now. Remember you loved them before, you love them during, and you’ll love them after. Never let the love you have for them waiver.

 

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The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done

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As most of you know I have lost some weight in the last year. No I did not take a magic potion or pill. It was HARD work. It easily is the hardest and most trying thing I have ever done. I always had been heavier. I remember a teacher in elementary school calling me “big boned.” At the time I didn’t know that was a nice way of saying fat.  Though I was never the skinniest I never let my weight affect my confidence… until my weight reached over 200lbs.

 

I don’t know why, but in my mind I was still okay if I never went over 200lbs. In 2016 I passed that number. I had gained 25lbs in 3 short months. It was terrifying to me. Though, I was not ready to make changes about my weight. I went to the doctor trying to find a medical reason for the sudden weight gain. There was nothing wrong with me other than a poor diet and lack of exercise.

 

The moment it all changed for me…. One of my very best friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. We purchased our dresses a year in advance. I knew I had gained some weight so 6 weeks before the wedding I went to try on my bridesmaid’s dress and it would not zip. Actually it wasn’t even close to zipping. This moment was mortifying and eye opening for me. I was not going to buy a new dress, so I needed to lose the weight before the wedding.

 

I had a dear friend who was doing weight watchers, and she encouraged me to join. I took the leap and spent the $125 to join. Little did I know that would become one of the best decisions I have ever made. It was a struggle at first. I joined in September and the wedding was in November. Up until the wedding I did well and lost some weight, and the dress zipped. That was a relief, but after that I went back to the same old habits of not eating right.  I was not happy or confident, but I wasn’t following the weight watchers program like I should have been to see results.

 

As most of you know my grandpa had also passed away in August 2016, VERY unexpectedly. Eating healthy and exercising was a priority of his. I knew that he wanted it to be one of mine, but I was never ready. I had started and stopped a million time. Though I realized I could make this dream of his become my dream too. I easily could have gained another 25lbs after he died or I knew I could lose the 25lb I gained and maybe even more.

 

So in January 2017 I got serious. I took his dream for me, and made it my dream for me. My wonderful friend and I decided to kick weight watchers booty together! We followed the program extremely close and the pounds started coming off. Though, they did not fly off by any means. It has been a slow and steady race of a pound or two a week. We were each other’s rock and supported each other through the up and down’s of weight loss. I will forever be indebted to her.

 

In April, I started to see my weight loss slow a bit. This is when I decided to join the gym. I was terrified. I had joined the gym so many times and wasted so much money by not going. I wanted this time to be different. It was different, but only because I had the unwavering love and support of my aunt and cousin. They would text me almost daily asking me to join them. I could never repay them for the confidence they gave me. They believed in me at the gym, so I began to believe in myself.

 

The gym soon became a second home. A place where I was a regular, and had friends I looked forward to seeing. Also it was a place where I felt comfortable and confident. It also helped my anxiety tremendously. So with the addition of the gym and still following weight watchers I saw the pounds continue to shed.

 

I think a good diet and exercise is great. Those are part of weight loss, and keeping it off, but there is something even bigger. That is the mindset. My mindset has changed tremendously throughout this journey of mine. I came to realize I was an emotional eater. I would eat my feelings. Now I usually realize that I only want to eat because of an emotion. So instead of eating I usually try to do some form of exercise to deal with the emotion.  I try really hard to eat to fuel my body and not to feed my emotions. This will always be as struggle for me, but being aware and having that mindset helps!

 

Losing weight is not rocket science, but it is challenging. There are days I still mess up, and eat poorly. Those days will happen, but it is about having more good days than bad that counts.

After a year of this journey I have lost 50lbs. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. It is so much more than the gym and weight watchers. It is all the people that have supported and encouraged me. I do know though if I can do this, so can you!

 

 

 

 

 

4 Things I’ve Learned from Starting a New J.O.B.

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Recently I have started a new job. Here are a few things I have noticed while beginning my new job….

  1. You have to earn respect- Usually when you come into a job your new coworkers have been there for a while. You have to show them that you can get along with them and will work hard. You are now joining their territory and you have to be willing to listen and work with them. It is your turn to prove yourself all over again.
  2. People want to help– Just because you are new and have a lot to learn doesn’t mean you are alone. Many, if not all, your coworkers are willing to help you with anything (ie: finding the bathroom).
  3. Food is Everywhere- Holy COW! When people say offices have food everywhere they are not kidding. I have never seen so much food in my life and FREE food at that. It seems like each day is designated for a certain type of food!
  4. Learning can be fun– Learning new things can sometime be a challenge, but if you look at it positively it can be fun. You are widening you knowledge and growing yourself. Take it in strides and be happy you are growing and bettering yourself!

5 Reasons Why Dis Girl (and possibly every girl) LOVES Fall

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  1. Pumpkin, Pumpkin, Pumpkin– I mean really can you tell me you don’t like pumpkin? I will take pumpkin anyway it comes: my latte, pie, candles, soap, and even at a patch.

 

  1. Ankle Booties– Hell yeah! I have always loved a good boot, but something about pulling out my ankle ones make me know fall is here! Yes I may have a pair in every color.

 

 

  1. Big Cozy Sweaters– What screams fall like a big over sized sweater? That is right, NOTHING! Grab a sweater and skinny jeans and you instantly have a super cute outfit.

 

  1. Hoodies– Causal! Yes we may not be the cutest in a hoodie, but on those quick trips to the store what is better than throwing on a hoodie?

 

 

  1. Mums– I may officially be an adult when I care about flowers, but putting mums outside my house brings me all the fall feels.

 

 

1 year, 12 months, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds…

Wow! Honestly I never thought a year could go by so fast. I vividly can remember that call from my cousin who could hardly speak because the news was so unbelievable. No one could believe it to be true. We were all together less than 24 hours ago. He was fine, actually better than fine he was healthy. Running to the accident scene is and always will be chilling to think about. I used to believe and still try to believe everything happens for a reason, but the reason of why he was taken from us is still not clear and never will be. 

This year has taught me more than I ever thought possible.

First, it has taught me the importance of family. Don’t get me wrong I already knew how much family meant and I’d walk through fire for them any day. Though I think it’s fair to say we walked through fire together. We all leaned on, cried, laughed, ached together. Many, almost every weekend was filled with a family activity so we could get through the pain together. Not one of us could have gotten through this tragedy alone. We truly NEEDED each other. 

Next, strength is a word that comes to mind. Not only have I learned my own, but I have watched my grandma be the unwavering image of strength. She makes the best of each day and leads by example and helps us see the good instead of the bad. Not to say we don’t all hurt, but we get through it. We have come out on the other side. I am pretty sure if you asked us we would have said we couldn’t do life with out him, but it’s been a year and we are doing it. Some days are very hard but with the strength we’ve received we have made it through. 

Last, and if you asked my grandpa he’d probably say this is the most important. Especially for me. I’ve learned to take chances and try new things. This has not always been easy for me. I like to play it safe, but I really have changed up my life to take more risks and add change. I personally have worked on bettering me and trying new thing and honestly it has made me a happier more content person.

We may not have all the answers on his death, and we may have NEVER wanted it, but I think we all have taken something from it. We have the good, bad, and ugly.

Forever and Always our life will have been changed on 8/28/16. 
Love you Grandpa! ❤️

4 Dresses for the Summer 

I know people either LOVE or HATE dresses, but I’m totally someone who loves them. They are easy to throw on during hot summer days. Dresses are lightweight and keep me cool. And maybe my favorite thing about a dress is I don’t have to plan an outfit. I just have to slip on the dress. 

Off the shoulder- This style is all the freakin RAGE, and I do not see it going away anytime soon. I mean why would it, its adorable. I like this because it’s a hint of sexy with the shoulders out, but you are fully covered in other areas. 


Fitted- A good fitted dress always helps show your figure! I don’t think it has to be skin tight to achieve this look. This is a classic style that you can wear to any occasion. 


Swing- This is my go to style for sure. They came in so many fabrics and they are loose fitting. These are perfect for those days we wake up feeling bloated. Throw this on and you instantly feel cute! PROMISE 

Full length – This style is a new one for me this year. I was never very crazy about it. I thought it made me look old and frumpy. But I guess I wasn’t trying on the right ones or something changed this summer. lm totally loving this style. It’s so chic. I loved pairing mine with a thick heeled sandal. 

I know dresses are not for everyone, but I challenge you to find at least one you love and feel comfortable in this summer. I can’t say enough how much I love the the easiness of throwing on a dress! 

Let me know what dresses you are loving this summer! 

Photos: Nick Lovell Photography 

Dresses: Old Navy